Teeth: The Ruddy Things

Teeth are funny.

When I was little, two of my baby teeth were fused together as one. During teeth-losing time, this/these tooth/teeth was/were quite reluctant to leave my mouth, which resulted in my having a loose tooth/teeth for a couple months. This made eating really difficult, not to mention extremely annoying. One day, I finally got fed up with it and handed my Grandma a piece of floss, telling her to just get rid of it, please. She tied the floss securely as I braced myself for whatever pain was going to come. On three, my Grandma yanked upward with such force that she actually toppled over backwards with intermittent cries of, “Ay ya, ay ya!” No more tooth/teeth!

Tanya was blessed with a mouth full of horrible chompers. The orthodontist said that if she didn’t get braces, eventually her teeth would end up jutting out of her mouth and her lips wouldn’t be able to touch anymore. One day when I was throwing around a softball with her in our apartment parking lot, I was making fun of her for throwing like a girl and shying away from the ball every time it came at her. Then I guess I got a bit carried away, because the ball cracked her in the face and caused her mouth to bleed. Woops. That’ll knock some of your teeth back into place for you, though.

Another time, Tanya and I were shopping with my aunt. Encouraged to practice her people skills, Tanya was in charge of putting the things on the counter to be paid for. Tremulously, she did so. The cashier smiled warmly at this little girl, barely taller than the counter itself. Tanya, relieved that she had done well, beamed back. Then the cashier openly asked her when was she getting braces? My sister, looking a little hurt and rather indignant, shut her mouth and answered next year, when all my baby teeth are gone, all the while keeping her lips carefully over her teeth. With extreme difficulty, I waited until we walked out of the store before I exploded with laughter. It was even more hilarious the second time, when I loudly retold the story to my parents.